I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
This is classic penis vs brain.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
