I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
