Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
