Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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