Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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