Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
