I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
