I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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