I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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