News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
