Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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