she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
