I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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