i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
