i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
