Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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