Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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