apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
