Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
