Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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