lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
