his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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