Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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