remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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