ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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