Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Girls should come with a carfax report
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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