She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
