fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
