Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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