so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
