things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
