He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
