it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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