youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
