it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
