It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
