I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
