Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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