Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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