i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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