What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i now understand why vodka
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
