Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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