You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
