Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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