oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
