That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
