i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
