I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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