FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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