Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
