Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
