Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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