At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
