I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
