I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
