i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
