That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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