Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
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Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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