3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
