I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
