He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
