i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
