That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
