You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
