We won't sleep together?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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