Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
