Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
