I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
