u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
