"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
