The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
