We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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