Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
