Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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