i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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