Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
