He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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